So guys I just found out I’m no longer allowed to have sex with Satan without a condom in Bakersfield, have a go with a live fish in Minnesota or fiddle a porcupine in Florida.
The government is taking all the fun out of my life.
I hope you don’t get too much bad news when you read these, guess it’s plain old paid dating from now on.
(Unless Satan is willing to meet me in LA)
35 CRAZY SEX LAWS
1 – It’s illegal to have sex with Satan in Bakersfield, CA without a condom
2 – It is illegal for a man to have sex with a live fish in Minnesota
But it’s ok to have sex with a dead fish.
3 – Utah allows beastiality but only for entertainment, not personal satisfaction
In other words no experession and no finishing, then you’re all good.
4 – It is illegal to have sex with a porcupine in Florida
5 – In Washington it is illegal to have sex with a virgin
So for your first time you have to go out of state.
6 – It’s illegal to have sex with an animal over 40 pounds in Washington
That seems a little weightist towards small creatures. At least the friendly beaver is still on the menu.
7 – Anal sex is illegal in Cincinnati
Not a great place to be a gay man then.
8 – It’s illegal to have sex with a rodeo clown in front of horses in Massachusetts
No funny business or horsing around?
9 – Pre-marital sex is illegal in Georgia & Virginia
Something to consider when choosing your college.
10 – Adultery in Massachusetts punishable by up to 3 years in prison
A risk worth taking.
11 – Oral sex is illegal in Indiana & Florida
12 – It’s illegal to sell sex toys in Alabama
But ok to fuck small creatures and your sister. That makes no sense.
13 – Missionary sex only in Washington DC
So no cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, the sticky Irishman etc.
14 – In Alabama incestuous marriages are legal
How else can you make a 13 fingered banjo player?
15 – No more than 2 dildos per house in Arizona
Threes a crowd?
16 – In Indiana a man cannot be sexually aroused in public
17 – In Oregon cursing during sex is a criminal offense
18 – Sex in a graveyard is illegal in North Carolina
19 – You cannot sleep naked with your partner in Minnesota
20 – It’s illegal to flirt in San Antonio, TX
21 – A man may not kiss his wife breasts in Florida
22 – It is illegal to kiss a sleeping woman in Colorado
23 – In Wisconsin any sex with a woman other than your wife is considered rape
This is also my wife’s rule.
24 – It’s illegal to sleep naked in Minnesota
25 – PDA prohibited in Michigan by law.
26 – It’s illegal to have sex in walk-in meat freezers in Newcastle, WY
I assume this is with another person and not with the meat itself?
27 – In Iowa a man with a moustache cannot kiss a woman in public
28 – Dirty talk in the presence of a woman is a misdemeanour in Michigan
29 – In Romboch, Virginia you cannot engage in a sexual activity if the lights in the room are on
Because the people in Rombach are just that ugly naked?
30 – Kissing for more than a minute is illegal in Halehorpe, MD
No foreplay, straight to action. Must be a man who made that law.
31 – In Dyersburg, Tennessee it is illegal for a lady to call a man for a date
32 – No living together before marriage in Michigan.
The penalty is up to 1-year jail time and $1,000 fine.
33 – It’s illegal to kiss in public for more than 18 minutes in Idaho
Who times this?
34 – It’s illegal for a man to shoot a gun in Connersville, WI while his partner orgasms
I was not aware men in Connersville would know when their partner orgasms.
35 – It’s illegal for a woman to have sex with a man whilst riding in an ambulance in Tremonton, Utah